13 November 2007
A Self-Indulgent Foray into Gimmicky Anthropomorphism
When you put paperclips in a container together, they shack up in long polyamorous chains, so that when you pull out one the rest hold onto it and won't let go, stubbornly entangled, as if by clinging to each other they can present a unified front against the indignity of being reduced to their mere functional raison d'être, that is, the indignity of being used to clip paper. It is usually effective. Either because I can't be bothered to separate them or because I don't have the heart to destroy their beautiful albeit untraditional strings of love, I riffle through the container in search of an unattached clip. It feels better, somehow, to pick off the ones that are already miserable and alone.
12 November 2007
With Respect to Office Life
Procedure:
1. There is a file with respect to every tenant. When I write a letter to a tenant, I should print out two copies, send one to the tenant, and put the second in the tenant's file.
2. When I receive an email with respect to a tenant, I should print that email out, and put that email in the tenant's file.
3. When I need to send an invoice to a tenant, I should print out that invoice, and gather all documents with respect to the invoice and paperclip them together. Then I should photocopy that invoice twice and the documents once. I should staple the original documents and original invoice together, hole-punch them, and place them in a binder. Then I should staple together one of the photocopied invoices and the photocopied documents. I should fold that in three, and place it in an envelope. I should also place the second copy of the invoice in said envelope.
4. When I receive a request with respect to a new access card, I should print it out (if it came in by email). I should create an access card acknowledgement form and print out three copies. I should staple one of those copies to the original request. I should give the original request, stapled to the acknowledgement form, to security. I should bring the other two acknowledgement forms, along with the new access card, to the tenant. The tenant should sign one acknowledgement form and return it to me. Meanwhile, security will process the request, sign off on it, and return it to me. I should then remove the staple on the original request, throw out the blank acknowledgement form, and staple the signed one to the original request. Then I should file it.
My day is exactly as boring as this post. The only difference is that my job wastes more trees.
1. There is a file with respect to every tenant. When I write a letter to a tenant, I should print out two copies, send one to the tenant, and put the second in the tenant's file.
2. When I receive an email with respect to a tenant, I should print that email out, and put that email in the tenant's file.
3. When I need to send an invoice to a tenant, I should print out that invoice, and gather all documents with respect to the invoice and paperclip them together. Then I should photocopy that invoice twice and the documents once. I should staple the original documents and original invoice together, hole-punch them, and place them in a binder. Then I should staple together one of the photocopied invoices and the photocopied documents. I should fold that in three, and place it in an envelope. I should also place the second copy of the invoice in said envelope.
4. When I receive a request with respect to a new access card, I should print it out (if it came in by email). I should create an access card acknowledgement form and print out three copies. I should staple one of those copies to the original request. I should give the original request, stapled to the acknowledgement form, to security. I should bring the other two acknowledgement forms, along with the new access card, to the tenant. The tenant should sign one acknowledgement form and return it to me. Meanwhile, security will process the request, sign off on it, and return it to me. I should then remove the staple on the original request, throw out the blank acknowledgement form, and staple the signed one to the original request. Then I should file it.
My day is exactly as boring as this post. The only difference is that my job wastes more trees.
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