A Subway Love Story

Brought to you by the Toronto Transit Commission and long, boring commutes thereon.

Once upon a time, a lonely Yonge-Sheppard by the name of Lawrence was walking home when he caught a glimpse of the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She was riding along in a carriage, haughtily looking out on the world like a Queen, when suddenly she glanced down at him. They were from two Dufferin worlds, but nonetheless it was love at first sight. In that one glance, they penetrated each others' souls, and they knew they had to be together.

They began to see each other. Her name was Jane, he discovered, and she lived in a grand old manor out past the Old Mill. He was in love. He sent her one long red Rosedale-y.

Lawrence wanted to marry her, but her Warden disapproved of such a Union. He thought Lawrence was not nearly Osgoode a match as she could make--he'd never even been to College! The Warden forbade her ever to see him again.

So Lawrence sent Jane a letter via her conniving maid, Christie, who tucked the piece of Pape-r into Jane's basket of clean laundry and thus smuggled it into her room. The letter said, "I cannot live without you. Meet me at midnight in the Greenwood."

There Lawrence waited at midnight, barely able to contain his excitement. And finally she arrived. "Oh Lawrence," she gasped, "I love you so!"

When he heard those words and saw her Chester heave with emotion, he felt his Coxwell, and all he wanted to do was pull down his Duponts, pull up her skirt, and plunge into her Spadina. But he was a gentleman. Instead he bent down to kiss her lightly.

Just then, the Warden jumped out from behind a tree. "Dirty rogue," he shouted, "I will Keele you!" He was armed with a lance.

"Put your Lansdowne, sir, and talk with me man-to-man," said Lawrence fiercely. "For Jane and I are in love, and we wish to be married. We will not take no for an answer."

The Warden took the Broadview of things and suddenly saw that he was being foolish. He relented, and the two were wed the very next day. They celebrated with great fanfare and several flagons of Runnymede. They lived happily ever after.

The moral of this story is: Don't ever forget to bring a book when you have an hour-long subway ride.